‘Big Fat Indian wedding’ is a common terminology used in the media to describe wedding of celebrities/VIPs. Then came Corona and pretty much wiped off all the big fat weddings in 2020 much to the delight of so many financially backward people since they believe marriages are happening the way it should happen. So basically all the Dhaam-dhoom functions are gone to pave way for Zoom weddings. I just want to do a deep dive into Indian functions in general and come with some observations. Let me go over some of the misconception one by one:
[1] Come late if you need to be considered as a VIP: This is kind of sick attitude which many Indians follow as they believe if they go early then people may think they do not have any work. There could be ‘n’ number of reasons why someone may want to come early or late but people’s mentality to go late to get an impression they are busy bothers me.
[2] Number matters: This is an interesting topic and so many numbers float around when it comes to attendance of an event. You can even figure out number of threads in a dhoti at one go but trying to come up with an accurate figure of an Indian event is very difficult. Let us say you print 700 invitation cards anticipating 1000 people to attend then there are lots of Ifs and Buts – Is it a muhurtham date, is it a holiday, is this exam season (In India if kids have exams parents are either in Temple or convert home into temple), in community like mine inviting in person or at least inviting over phone makes a huge difference (I am glad this is finally changing) etc., The funny part is Host tend to rely on Caterers to get a glimpse of final number and those guys just to please you come up with an inflated number. There is absolutely no problem with the number game and each individual based on their family circle and relationship with near and dear ones attract people, the thing that bothers me is when people get carried away with the numbers and create a chaotic atmosphere for general public. In places like Chennai, Trichy when a marriage takes place in a VIP family then roads are blocked, procession takes place earning wrath from public, fire crackers burnt with zero precautions. Inviting more guests is purely host’s personal choice and as long as common public’s day to day life is not disturbed it should be fine.
[3] Waste food: I don’t want to portray myself as if I don’t waste food but can confidently say that I make every step possible not to waste food. I try to enjoy the food served and try to finish off all the stuff in my plate but then I am advised to keep some food since if I finish all then it may sound as if I have come to have food. I am not sure how to deal with this only to later realize that odd(est) thing is when a camera guy come rushing to you to capture you and your lovely plate. Just imagine you being captured with a plain plantain leaf which is good enough for people to make fun about you.
[4] Lavish Decorations: Posters all across the city, Flex cutouts in prominent junctions, Huge maanaadu panthal, Plaintain thoppu in the entrance, flower decorations good enough to give deserted look in Ooty all this can be noticed for the big gala weddings in India. Decorations give the first impression of how grand a wedding is and people spend lakhs or even crores of money which is basically a ’24 hour showoff’; India is one country where there is more unaccounted cash and this is used effectively for decorations by the politicians in order to build an image with public.
[5] Gifts with so much rules: Whether to gift or not is a separate topic and am not going to talk about that since I feel it is a personal choice and it differs from individual to individual. I am personally okay host gifting the attendees as a token of thanks but the thing that bothers me are the rules people come up to gift. I like my community in many ways since when it comes to culture and heritage I think we are torch bearers and try to preserve all the good old values from previous generation. But when it comes to gifting ..OMG .....9 inch vaali and 11 inch vaali still takes place in this Swiggy era, bigger vessel for group ABC, medium vessel for group XYZ, different currency note for different people, different gift for people with paper invites (men only), different set of gifts for family invites so on and so forth. Trust me even Christopher Nolan can get confused with the number of rules my community has as far as gifting people.
Functions are perfectly fine and we need lots of functions to get that cheer going on but some things have to change for good. Even in western countries birthday gifts gets rotated and occupy basement real estate. Once people host a party they get tons of gifts which are arranged in garage only to pass on one by one and these namesake traditions are followed in the name of formality. Number of shawls and bouquets people gift in India can be easily replaced into something useful such as seed balls or a small plant sampling which is very much need of the hour. Unfortunately people trying to pinpoint these are tagged as ‘Rules ramanujam’ and that is the reason many have inhibitions to speak out in public. I think rather than preaching about change we have to be the change and lead the crowd in changing some things about Indian events.
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